I'm still revising my novel, but I've finally put together a query letter I think I'm happy with. I lost count of how many rewrites I did of it, but tell me what you think.
The story of Kate Wilson is of a young woman who journeys across worlds and learns that the most meaningful life is one of self-sacrifice. She takes a trip to South America where a chance encounter with a stranger and a tragic event set her course in life. Kate begins work as a volunteer nurse in the rainforest of South America until her life takes some unexpected turns.
After discovering the town of Bella Vista is an agricultural source of the coca plant, things complicate further when she begins to fall for the handsome doctor who runs the clinic. Torn between the world she is leaving behind and the culture she is coming to accept, Kate struggles to find her place. Hoping that things will change for her, she continues her work in the clinic until guerilla forces with the drug cartel put her life in danger. Doctor Felipe intervenes and puts his life in danger. Will he get her out in time?
Based loosely on my own experiences from living for three years in Ecuador, S. America, and drawing from my medical background as a registered nurse, this novel depicts life in the Hispanic culture and what it is to be a nurse.
Let me know what you think. Feedback welcome.
Hey Honey! You've got a good outline here, but I want to point out places where it's a bit vague and you need to expand on the detail. I really love your setting and vibe and the whole premise is fascinating from what I've read. I'll help you with some thoughts through email, cool? You're too awesome. I still can't believe the adventures you've lived! <3
ReplyDeleteYes! Please email me at honey.munev@hotmail.com. Your suggestions have been incredibly helpful:)
DeleteThis book sounds amazing and I think you've got the start of a solid query here.
ReplyDeleteI think you need more of a hook for the first sentence though. The first paragraph seems more telling then showing and I'm not sure the voice is coming through there. Obviously I don't know your story or the tone of the book, why she came to S.A. or what her expectations are but maybe something like: Kate Wilson had always wanted to be a part of the world of drugs, she had just thought it would be as a nurse, not as someone involved with a drug cartel.
Queries are hard. I've worked on mine for four months (two of those without any other writing, just query) had it critiqued a dozen times and am still tweaking it. Good luck, I think you're getting close!
Great suggestions. I can see I'm way too vague though. Having the story in my head I filled in the blanks without realizing I'm conveying the wrong idea!
DeleteShe works as a nurse in a medical clinic and gets caught up as an innocent bystander in the drug war. The cartel is the enemy.
I love that this story is based on some of your own experiences! Your query letter is good, it just needs a bit more details like Morgan suggested, and I'm sure she'll give you some great advice. Wish I was at the query stage, though everyone tells me it's so grueling! Can't wait to see how your query letter evolves. (:
ReplyDeleteI've redone it, but I'm not sure that's enough yet either. When I started writing the synopsis, it seemed (Oh, this is so easy!), but it's turned into a nightmare! I may spend as much time writing this as I did my novel. :) Okay, maybe not quite that much. But thanks for the encouragement :)
DeleteGreat idea for a book! I have to agree with the others, though, the query letter seems to be telling events in a rather passive way. The story of kate is of a - instead of just Kate Wilson takes a trip and to SA and learns that.. Also a bit too much if the same with "set her course in life", and "Life takes some unexpected turns". Passive: "Things complicate further" and "begins to fall in love" (I would say, "she finds herself falling" just to make it a bit more immediate, does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteQueries are terribly difficult because you want to get as much info into them as possible, to let the reader/editor/agent know that the book has many different levels, but you need to say it in a way that will capture their attention and get them to those first chapters. I'm sure you'll get there, just step back a bit and maybe make note of what it is you want to include and not include in the query.